no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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