i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
