Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
