Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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