What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Is it because I queefed?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
