I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
