every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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