All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize