WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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