We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
