I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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