And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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