turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
