dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
