That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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