I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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