I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
