i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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