Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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