you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
