I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
