There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
