I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
