This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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