It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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