I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
