i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
