and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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