Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
