Where did you get a picture of my penis
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
