So drunk its hurt
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
