Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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