Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
