My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
