how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
wow bdsm is so cute
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
