Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
