omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
