Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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