I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
