You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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