btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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