all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
