I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
