you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
