I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
