ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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