You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
