upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
