You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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