Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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