you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
