I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
