Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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