That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My bed smells like the plague
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
