apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize