I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
