I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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