I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
