to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
