In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
