btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
