She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
