gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
