There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
