Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
