Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
