Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
