Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh god it's open bar.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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