Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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