Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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