I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
