is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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