Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
