If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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